Are you tired of not getting what you want?
Do you feel like your staff or colleagues arent listening to you or following through on their commitments? Do you have repeated conflicts with your sales associates, customer service people and back-end employees?
Prepare yourself for a little Feng Shui for your mind.
Creating Harmony and Flow Not Clutter and Disappointment
For those of you who are unfamiliar with this ancient Chinese practice, it is about placement and design to create spaces of harmony and balance. Proponents say good Feng Shui and Chi, or flow, have a positive effect on health, prosperity, reaching goals and good relationships.
Craft Your Words Carefully. Just like Feng Shui, we need to know how to use words to remove clutter and barriers in order to have clear communication. Careful use and placement of words can achieve balance, flow and harmony.
Sometimes we spend more time crafting our words to order coffee than we do to communicate goals, expectations, preferences, or disappointments.
I used to order a double mocha frappacino with a shot of expresso, skinny, Grande in a Venti cup with shake of nutmeg and vanilla bean and hope for the best.
Now, I just order a small coffee. Its a lot easier. And I get what I want: A cup of coffee. Its not very glamorous without all the filler, fluff, and calories, but how often does one really need all that? Even if you want it, a steady diet of it is not good for your waistline or your wallet.
And thats what Feng Shui and uncluttered communication have in common: Clarity and Simplicity.
What are you really saying? If youre not getting what you want, I invite you to step back and listen to your choice of words. Are you clear about what you really want before you start talking?
In this era of things being on-demand, instant messaging and texting, we feel compelled to speak or write, before thinking. STOP! Take a few minutes to remove the clutter, to balance your thoughts. What do you really want? What is the intended outcome that you want from this interaction? Not sure? Write it down. Look at it. Is that what you want? If you got that, would that make you happy or deliver the results you want? If not, continue writing until youve found the clarity and simplicity of your thoughts.
Express Yourself. Once you have Feng Shuid your thoughts and words to be sure they are aligned and in harmony with what you want, its time to take action. The next step is to express yourself with clarity, conviction and compassion or at least, without blame, judgment, drama or exaggeration.
Cut the Drama. Its important to note that whenever there is drama around a situation, you can be assured that clear communication is going to be compromised. In these situations, it is even more critical to step back and be objective about the end result you really want to achieve. Look at all sides, all possibilities and all parties involved. Again, like Feng Shui, its about creating a space of harmony and balance. Drama creates barriers to accomplishing what you want.
3 Approaches to Clear Communication
Make a Request. One way to reduce the clutter in your communication and get what you want is to make a request. A request is similar to an invitation. When you receive an invitation, you can accept it or decline. In addition, a request can provide an opportunity for a counter-offer.
When you start a sentence with the words: I have a request, it forces you to be clear about what you want. It also alerts the listener to pay attention, without the fear, manipulation or apprehension that can occur when someone barks I need this now! or candy-coats Can you do me a favor?
For example, instead of blurting out: Youre late again! or being passive-aggressive about it by sighing, rolling your eyes and looking at your watch as the offender strolls past your office 30 minutes late, try this:
Think through what you really want and how you want to come across as a leader and manager. Align your thoughts words and actions to that image. Now youre ready make your request.
Bill, I have a request. When I hired you, you said could work from 8- 4. The past couple weeks, youre not here until 8:15, sometime later. I request that you honor your commitment to work from 8 to 4.
In this example, that the manager is holding Bill accountable for keeping his commitment. There is no drama, blame or opportunity for excuses. It does provide, however, an opening for Bill to make another request or counter offer, such as: Im taking the kids to school now. Would it be possible to start at 9 and leave at 5?
Remember: when making a request, you need to be prepared for it to be declined or engage in a counter offer. If youre not willing to accept a no or a counter offer, then dont make a request.
State Your Expectations. Some times we think weve communicated expectations, but maybe weve only been rehearsing the dialogue in our heads! Did you actually tell the person what is expected? Or did you say something like: you should know this is part of the job
Please note: saying you should know can put the other person on the defensive and rarely results in a good outcome.
So next time, instead of being snarky and saying, Why can't you get this right consistently? Try this:
Karen, we've reviewed our furniture return policy. I expect you to consistently communicate this policy according to these requirements. If this happens again, there will be a written warning.
Make sure your expectations are reasonable and actually part of the job. It helps to refer to documentation to support the expectation, such as a job description, product specifications, or legal requirements. People also need to know what happens if they dont meet expectations.
Keep your promises. If you say you'll do something, do it. If you find that you are over committed or can't follow through, the best thing you can do is acknowledge it to the person to whom you made the commitment. Do it as soon as youre aware that you cant keep the promise. (Now we know youre smarter than a fifth grader, but don't act like one by saying but I didn't say: I promise.) All you have is your word. Don't diminish your integrity by not keeping your word to someone.
One of he best ways to have others keep their promises to you is to model this behavior. However there are times when we need to hold people accountable for not following through their commitments to us.
For example, Jim, you said you'd have the gross margin analysis completed by today. I was counting on including that information trip to the High Point furniture show tomorrow. What happened and when will it be completed?
So there you have it. Follow the formula for Feng Shui for the mind and clear communication and you will reap the benefits of clarity of thinking, aligning your words to your thoughts, and taking action that is consistent with your thoughts and words. These are the keys to uncluttered communication.
About the Author: Marty Stanley, President of Dynamic Dialog, Inc. (www.alteringoutcomes.com) is an author, national speaker and facilitator who helps organizations create their New Normal. Contact Marty to speak at your next conference, in your organization and to facilitate your visioning, planning and teambuilding sessions at 816-822-4047 or martystanley@alteringoutcomes.com.